Kurusu Akira (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cardiac_arrest) wrote2017-05-31 07:58 pm
cardiac_arrest) wrote2017-05-31 07:58 pm
NOT FIC
not fic presents:
akira coming back from a mementos run, too tired to live, ignoring Mona's complaints that his phone screen is lighting up the room, go to bed akira!!!! except akira just turns the brightness down and rolls away from him, continuing to be on his phone. mona make a disgruntled cat noise and ignores akira right back.
for a whole month akira has been thinking and considering and planning but nothing sounded right, on paper, in his head, out of his mouth. he'll never be face to face with his parents until his probation is over, phone calls have become sacred in their routine, akira doesn't want to change them. the one normal link he has between his family.
he still hasn't forgiven them and they know, they haven't spoken of it since his mother apologized and that phone call from his father on a rainy day who apologized his own way, quietly, sincerely, knowing he'll take that horrid night to his grave. his father is unapologetically intense and akira wouldn't have him any other way.
his tired mind coupled with his beaten body hit the peak of his exhaustion, slamming into a terrifying desperation that he needs to do something with tonight. akira takes risks, his risk, high reward. and this seems like the only way to do it.
he opens his mother's chat log and scrolls through his gallery. he picks the most blatant, most shamefully intimate and happy photo for an outsider to see. souji feeding him while out with friends, caring for him in public and akira isn't flushed in the photo but his belly was fully of giddy butterflies, every nerve in his body tingling.
the second shot is akira kissing souji on the cheek, who couldn't glow more if he was lit up by the sun.
the attachments load and wait to be sent with a message.
the blank bar and cursor mock him, calling him a coward if he doesn't act.
this is my boyfriend.
no.
this is souji.
no.
i really love him.
ugh.
i want you to accept us.
no.
i want you to accept me.
he hits delete hard, glaring at his phone as his hands shake. its from too many hours in mementos, his words getting more and more unbearably honest and he can't send that, he won't be pitiful, he won't beg.
he won't feel bad for wanting this, for having always wanted this.
he wants it so bad he'll steal it if he has to.
no apologies.
he lets out a half hearted sob and his fingers fly over his keyboard, something demanding and insane and too true to character that it hurts.
don't tell dad how happy you are about my loving thriving homosexual relationship.
he hits send and closes his eyes, feels them getting wet as he lies in the dark, mona quietly snoring next to him.
nothing comes until he's falling asleep, a half dream about a track race and ryuji shouting after him
his phone buzzes in his hand.
he blinks startled, fear clutching his heart, his throat, his fingers stiff and hard to unlock his phone to read his message.
Tohru Kurusu: of course.
the feeling of relief is immense and immediate, he drops the phone to cry into his hands, feet kicking under the covers and scaring mona to death.
'akira?! HEY WHY ARE YOU CRYING AHHH, don't touch my butt cats hate that! i mean, i hate that whoa, WHOA DON'T HOLD ME SO TIGHT h-hey are you crying?!'
btween the two of them, the get five hours sleep that night.
akira coming back from a mementos run, too tired to live, ignoring Mona's complaints that his phone screen is lighting up the room, go to bed akira!!!! except akira just turns the brightness down and rolls away from him, continuing to be on his phone. mona make a disgruntled cat noise and ignores akira right back.
for a whole month akira has been thinking and considering and planning but nothing sounded right, on paper, in his head, out of his mouth. he'll never be face to face with his parents until his probation is over, phone calls have become sacred in their routine, akira doesn't want to change them. the one normal link he has between his family.
he still hasn't forgiven them and they know, they haven't spoken of it since his mother apologized and that phone call from his father on a rainy day who apologized his own way, quietly, sincerely, knowing he'll take that horrid night to his grave. his father is unapologetically intense and akira wouldn't have him any other way.
his tired mind coupled with his beaten body hit the peak of his exhaustion, slamming into a terrifying desperation that he needs to do something with tonight. akira takes risks, his risk, high reward. and this seems like the only way to do it.
he opens his mother's chat log and scrolls through his gallery. he picks the most blatant, most shamefully intimate and happy photo for an outsider to see. souji feeding him while out with friends, caring for him in public and akira isn't flushed in the photo but his belly was fully of giddy butterflies, every nerve in his body tingling.
the second shot is akira kissing souji on the cheek, who couldn't glow more if he was lit up by the sun.
the attachments load and wait to be sent with a message.
the blank bar and cursor mock him, calling him a coward if he doesn't act.
this is my boyfriend.
no.
this is souji.
no.
i really love him.
ugh.
i want you to accept us.
no.
i want you to accept me.
he hits delete hard, glaring at his phone as his hands shake. its from too many hours in mementos, his words getting more and more unbearably honest and he can't send that, he won't be pitiful, he won't beg.
he won't feel bad for wanting this, for having always wanted this.
he wants it so bad he'll steal it if he has to.
no apologies.
he lets out a half hearted sob and his fingers fly over his keyboard, something demanding and insane and too true to character that it hurts.
don't tell dad how happy you are about my loving thriving homosexual relationship.
he hits send and closes his eyes, feels them getting wet as he lies in the dark, mona quietly snoring next to him.
nothing comes until he's falling asleep, a half dream about a track race and ryuji shouting after him
his phone buzzes in his hand.
he blinks startled, fear clutching his heart, his throat, his fingers stiff and hard to unlock his phone to read his message.
Tohru Kurusu: of course.
the feeling of relief is immense and immediate, he drops the phone to cry into his hands, feet kicking under the covers and scaring mona to death.
'akira?! HEY WHY ARE YOU CRYING AHHH, don't touch my butt cats hate that! i mean, i hate that whoa, WHOA DON'T HOLD ME SO TIGHT h-hey are you crying?!'
btween the two of them, the get five hours sleep that night.